to my beloved daughter

Chris and kez my love,

I know that you may not want to read this because it may will make you sad but it may ease my heartache.
Lately I have missed you even more than usual, and I therefore felt compelled to express that in someway.
It is so painful to think of all the many milestones that have happened for both of you during our time apart.


I am so very, very sorry for the reasons that we are living apart; I have really let you down darling. I know that if I had have been able to have expressed myself in a better way back then, then maybe things could well have turned out so differently. My love, I live with my feelings of guilt and regret every day.


I can only hope that the paper work and all the stuff turn out well.
To be reunited with you really would be all my dreams come true, but I know that we would have to waiting.

I am so blessed and proud to be your mommy.
I do hope that you feel my love for you. You are with me every moment, and I hope that you know that even though I am not able do see you, I carry you in my heart always.

I would give absolutely anything to have my little family back again though, and there is nothing in the world that I want more than to be back where I belong with you.


My love…

If you ever miss mommy, watch this video which mommy made and dedicate for you so you know how much mommy wanted you and love you. I know this video is nothing compares than our longed but at least you can see mommy even just for short time.





With all my heart

Mommy

lagi tentang gay parade

duh,body-nya bikin jantung ser-seran aja...

hello readers,

karena saya sudah pernah menulis tentang gay parade di tulisan terdahulu,maka saya tidak akan membahasnya lagi lebih panjang dan lebar,nanti reader bosan bacanya kayak gak ada tema lain aja,untuk itu saya hanya akan menampilkan foto-foto-nya yang sempat saya peroleh dari parade tersebut.

ini kali kedua saya menyaksikan gay parade di usa dan entah mengapa parade gay dan lesbian tersebut tetap mencengangkan buatku yang mungkin belum terbiasa dengan kebebasan individual dalam meng-ekpresikan jati diri mereka.mungkin karena saya belum terbiasa dengan cultur amerika yang tentu saja amat sangat berbeda dengan indonesia.

semalam teman baik saya wendy ngasi kabar kalau di central avenue akan ada parade,kebetulan besoknya(sabtu 14 june 2008)oh iya,sekedar info teman saya wendy ini bule asli tapi dia lancar sekali berbahasa indonesia,padahal dia tinggal di indonesia hanya satu tahun waktu menjadi tenaga sukarela untuk anak-anak jalanan,anaknya sangat baik dan peramah.saya memang tidak ada rencana dan kegiatan apa-apa,dan sudah lama saya dan teman saya janjian ingin bertemu tapi entah mengapa selalu tidak pernah punya waktu yang cocok ,kadang kalau saya ada waktu,dia sedang sibuk,begitupun sebaliknya.
dan besok kebetulan saya tidak punya rencana,dan kegiatan apa-apa,so,tentu saja saya amat senang menerima tawarannya untuk menonton parade tersebut.

pagi-nya waktu bangun tidur,badan saya rasanya kurang sehat,sedikit fever dan pinggul rasanya sakit,tapi karena saya sudah janji untuk bertemu wendy,saya paksakan diri mandi,dan siap-siap.
tepat saat saya sudah akan keluar rumah wendy telpon dan bilang mau jemput,saya senang sekali.sekitar 20 menit menunggu wendy datang,dan kami langsung ke rumahnya karena waktu itu masih pagian dan parade belum di mulai.
di rumah wendy saya sempat sarapan,dia masih ada sisa oseng-oseng sayur+ telur orek+nasi+ sambal yang waduh pedisnya gak ketulungan tapi enak sekali.
di rumahnya,saya juga sempat di kenalkan dengan ira teman wendy asal amerika latin yang kebetulan sedang bertandang ke rumah dia hari itu.

dan readers,inilah foto-fotonya.


pstt,........wendy,ira,dan saya hanya menonton loh,kami bukan peserta gay parade,hehehhe.

para peserta

little things about my self

I was born in paradise.
At least, that’s how I felt about my homeland while I was growing up.
Indonesia is large country set like pearls in south East Asia. She is so breathtakingly beautiful that impossible not to see the hand of God in her lush, warmer climate, green valleys, thousand islands, hundreds steaming volcanos,and million other things unlisted .

I was born in kupang, timor.when I was 40 days old, my parents moved to a little tiny village called palopo, in province of south Sulawesi Islands.

In this new place, I grow up as a happy young girl. The world was the lovely landscape surrounding me, the kindness of my neighbord, and the deep love of my parents,(well, at least my mom.) In my village, young children walked many miles to and from school along lonely stretches of road, but parents never worried a child being in danger in anyway.

My biggest fear as a youngster was being hungry and not to be able to continue my education-other than that I was an extremely happy little girl. Living in a happy village where people respected and cared for one another.

Our house was perched on a hilltop overlooking a park and stadium where you can view helicopter landings in the morning and noon, or kids and adults played soccer in that park at the evenings. Some of my warmest childhood memories were playing in the rain, collecting coconuts to buy candy, bathe our buffalo at the lake not so far from our house and swim at the lake and felling the warm water on our skin.

When we got home from our swimming, my beautiful mother would be busy in kitchen preparing the hot sago or rice dish she feed us every day before packing us off to school.
Her energy never failed to astonish me: mom always was the first to rise and last to go to bed, getting up hours before anyone else to make sure the house was in order, our clothes were laid out, and breakfast for the whole family was prepared.
She made all our clothes her self, cut out hair, and brightened our house with her handmade decorations.

The rice she prepared for us were grown in our family fields, which mom tended every morning while the rest of us still sleeping. She checked the crops and would then distribute tools to the laborer and make sure that our buffalo and other animals were fed and watered. And then, after finishing the morning chores and getting us off to school, my mom would start her full time job at our family farm.

Both my parents were farmers which is a live with almost no education but they both believers that the only way out would have been to get an education.



to be continue....

My open letter to my daughters(another one)

My daughter, this is the chance you will ever see. this word is quite remote, but I must try. It’s maybe too late for this confession to purge my conscience of guilty.

If I have time to re-raise you again, many things I want to do and promise you, so you will always remember how much love I ever had for you. Before I continue with this letter, I would love to say this word.
“I have seen so many flowers in my entire life, but you, my dearest loving daughters are the most beautiful flower I ever see”.

My beautiful daughters,
I will continue my letter some other time, my thoughts are empty right now, and I feel I lose all the words.
Until then my beautiful daughters……..

Yours truly love,

mommy

My love,
Are you alive?
Real?
Or, are you the most beautiful dream that I have had in my entire life?
Are you an angel?
Or a figment of my imagination?
Someone I fabricated to fill the void?
To soothe the pain?
Where did you find the time to listen?
How could you understand?

You made me laugh when my heart was crying.
You took me dancing when I couldn't take a step.
You helped me set new goals when I was dying.
You showed me dew drops and I had diamonds.

You brought me wild flower and I had orchids
You sang to me an angelic choirs burst forth in song
You held my hand and my whole being loved you.
You gave me a hope and I belonged to you.
I belonged to you and I have experienced all

My open letter to my daughters

My daughter, this is the chance you will ever see. this word is quite remote, but I must try. It’s maybe too late for this confession to purge my conscience of guilty.

If I have time to re-raise you again, many things I want to do and promise you, so you will always remember how much love I ever had for you. Before I continue with this letter, I would love to say this word.
“I have seen so many flowers in my entire life, but you, my dearest loving daughters are the most beautiful flower I ever see”.

My beautiful daughters,
I will continue my letter some other time, my thoughts are empty right now, and I feel I lose all the words.
Until then my beautiful daughters……..

Yours truly love,

mommy

gay parade

Hai temans,mohon maaf kalau foto yang saya tampilkan di atas ini,tidak berkenan di mata temans semua,foto di atas ini saya ambil dari perayaan ke 30 pawai

himpunan ,gay,lesbian,biseksual,transgender,se new mexico yang diadakan pada sabtu 10 june,2006.
photo -photolainnya dapat bisa di lihat di sini:

http://asia.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/indonesia_princess/album?.dir=/42a7scd

Pawai yang melibatkan ribuan peserta ini di pusatkan di halaman samping universitas new mexico,dan begerak menuju jalan-jalan central di kota Albuquerque.
Pawai ini diadakan setiap tahun pada musim panas,atau sekitar bulan june.
pawai di mulai pada pukul 10.30 dan akan berakhir sekitar 4 jam ke depan.semua masyarakat diundang untuk berpartisipasi di dalamnya.

Pawai ini ada untuk merayakan sejarah ,keanekaragaman,dan untuk menyatakan keberadaan mereka kaum lesbian dan gays, yang telah berkembang sejak 30 tahun terakhir.
seluruh peserta pawai menampilkan aneka ragam gaya dan dandanan.ada yang berdandan ala ratu ular(sayang sekali saya tidak sempat memperoleh gambarnya),gaya metalica,punk,ratu sejagat,etc

Mungkin anda akan bertanya-tanya,siapa-siapa sajakah peserta pawai gay,lesbian,biseksual,transgender ini? Mereka adalah dokter, pengacara, jururawat ,professor,guru, ,tetangga ,teman kerja,dan banyak lagi profesi-profesi terhormat lainnya yang mungkin tidak pernah kita bayangkan sebelumnya..
Saya sendiri sempat sangat terpana sewaktu mengetahui bahwa banyak diantara teman-teman hang out saya yang sering hang out bareng di coffe shop ternyata gay dan lesbian,padahal dalam keseharian mereka,tidak ada sama sekali tanda yang mencirikan keadaan mereka.

Inilah amerika,di mana setiap individual bebas untuk mengekspresikan dirinya,perasaannya,identitasnya,tanpa harus takut atau malu untuk mendapat sorotan/diskriminasi dalam keseharian,toh,mereka tidak merugikan kepentingan orang lain.

Kapan ya Indonesia bisa mengadakan pawai seperti ini,atau setidaknya individual yang merasa gay,lesbi,di indo,dapat mengaktualisasikan dirinya,dan memproklamirkan dirinya pada lingkungannya,ayahnya,ibunya,teman-temannya,bahwa saya ini lesbi/gay,dengan tidak takut-takut lagi atau malu akan reaksi yang akan mereka terima .bisa tidak yah?....kapan?....ummm,....….mungkin 1,4,10,15,tahun lagi kalau masyarakat sudah semakin dewasa.kita tunggu aja.

note:
Pstt……saya bukan anggota mereka loh,saya hanya menuliskan apa yang saya lihat pada pawai itu.jadi,jangan berfikir kalau saya salah satu peserta di pawai itu,hehehehe.

MISTERI MAWAR MERAH

Kemarin may, 14, 2006 pagi-pagi sekali pukul 6.45 waktu saya membuka pintu apartment saat hendak berangkat nguli,saya terkejut karena di bawah pintu saya ada kiriman bunga mawar merah dari seseorang yang saya tidak tau pengirimnya.

Kalau di lihat dari hari kirimnya sih rasanya tidak mungkin pengirimnya menggunakan jasa pengiriman untuk mengirimkan bunga tersebut,karena kemarin khan hari minggu,apa iya ada jasa pengiriman yang kerja di hari minggu?,kemungkinan si pengirim langsung membawa kirimannya ,atau menitipkannya pada seseorang.


Yang membuat saya tercengang,di kartu yang menyertai kiriman bunga mawar itu,si pengirim menuliskan nama depan saya dengan sangat pas,atau istilahnya gak salah-salah(tidak salah spell).
Isi ucapannya begini:’’ happy mama day darling Theresia, be mine .bla….bla….bla..(Sensor), umm saya terkejut, siapa gerangan si pengirim misterius ini? mengapa dia tak menuliskan namanya atau setidaknya inisialnya kek, biar tidak bikin penasaran saja.
Saya perkirakan dia pasti seseorang yang mengenal saya dengan baik,karena di sini jarang atau bahkan tidak ada yang mengetaui nama depan saya.

Oh well,…siapapun itu(mudah-mudahan malah sempat baca tulisanku ini), saya sarankan lain kali kalau mau ngirim , jangan kirim bunga hidup lagi deh ya,kirim saja BUNGA BANK,saya pasti akan suka dan gak akan pusing-pusing bertanya siapa pengirimnya,maruknya keluar deh,hehehhehehe.

Oh ya,sebelum saya mengakhiri tulisan ini,saya juga mau sampaikan pada semua mama atau calon mama di seluruh dunia,”HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY FOR ALL OF YOU"

Akhir kata, you crave your lover when the two of you are apart(nyambung gak yah?gak nyambung ya,biarin deh,hehehe.... sign*Rolling eyes*Sambil garuk-garuk kepala) .see u again guys.